two grumpy old men- learning the oregon way of life
by TheHarlequinnCat
Summary: here is another 'two grumpy old men! I guess warning for referencing drug use and some swears. But, any story with Rick has that. This one's probably the best because it's two grumpy old men and Soos, broh! Some sweet Spanish talkin Sanchez-Ramirez going on! Read and Review if you want this one continued!


"Soos? Jesus please us, is that you?" Stan asked, rubbing his bleary eyes as he stumbled into the kitchen. He heard the familiar tone, and some odd tool sounds in the middle of the night. "It's the middle of the night, you better not be a robber-" He started to get wary, squinting as he reached for some kind of weapon. The lights flickered just enough that it was almost eerie.

" _Hola_ , Mr. Pines!" Soos cheerily chirped, "Looks like someone forgot their glasses, haha, am I right?" Beside him sat Rick, Stan didn't have to see well to know the familiar musk of weed and alcoholic breath.

"What are you two goons doin' up?" Stan practically growled through his tired stupor. His brows furrowed into a wrinkly glower, the old man glower, as though he could scare Soos into leaving. His glower must have lost its power, because he heard a whispered "S-si él es bueno tal vez voy a comprarle un dientes de oro" from Rick. Soos responded in quiet giggling Spanish, his gentle voice hushed and practically dripping with a comfort that Stan had never heard in his English dialect.

"Hey, hey! Rick." Stan warned, hands going to his hips; his back hunching and his eyes (as though they could get any smaller) narrowing vaguely, "If that was an insult.."

"Bebé. Like you don't love when I talk dirty." He rolled his r with a small wink, Soos uncomfortably looked away and began to count the brown stains on the ceiling.

"Papi no quiere escucharlo , perra . Como si yo no sé hablar español." Stan responded, smugly. He seemed all too satisfied with himself; and Rick's mouth dropped open as he began to yell in a mixture of Spanish and English, practically raging as he stood up and kicked at nothing in particular.  
"S-S-SPANISH! YOU COULD S-SPEAK SPANISH THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME AND Y-YOU DIDN'T TELL ME! THE THINGS I TOLD YOU! la mierda-." and back into mumbled strings of partially finished curses.

Soos, although his face was red as though he were between two fighting parents, tapped his fingers together and began to tell Rick "Uh, yeah, Mr. Pines talked to me in Spanish since he knew I was a Ramirez. I kind've missed being able to interact with people in it because y'know... Gravity Falls, Oregon, 'n all."

But no one was listening to Soos, Rick was still continuing to blabber angrily at his lover; who cackled unattractively in his face, practically wheezing out laughter. In fact, Soos doubted he'd ever seen the man laugh that hard. He was panting out half-assed responses, but this firecracker old man just kept coming at him with incoherent swears and mysterious words he assumed had a negative connotation.

"Uh. Well. Ok, dudes. I'm gonna. Go." Soos stood slowly, creeping his way to the door; snagging his phone and dialing as he made a break for the outdoors. From just outside the shack, they could hear the beginning of 'Wendy, wake up, you'll never believe what-'

Rick's fire seemed to die, he crossed his arms and tapped his foot, "Well?" Rick snapped.

Stan only smiled, his face a ruddy color and his smile lines more distinct than his other wrinkles, "What can I say? I'm a man of mystery!" He twiddled his fingers and jumped at Rick; who stared with an unforgiving glower. Stan's large arms went to the other's thin waist, his scruffy chin giving the other a sloppy wet kiss on his temple. Rick did not respond, unmoving until he received a damn explanation. "Ok, ok. Fine. Rick, listen, I don't know Spanish- THAT well. I knew enough to do a deal, call someone a- you know what. When I was y'know... dating.. you back in the day, I wasn't about to use that bullshit on you 'cause I wouldn't have been able to carry much a conversation. I guess somewhere along the way when Soos was just a kid, I mean, hell, he's still a big kid.. Anyways, he would get all sappy and act like my son. I knew he was a lonely.. weird.. ugly kid. I'd never let him know but I hit the books hard, learned the basics, and then some. I even took an audiotape at the airport!"

Rick's gaze had lessened, softened, and smoothed into a wry pout. He wanted to be angry, but that soft nougatey center Stan hid was the exact times that made Rick fall in love with him all over again.

"Ok. Ok." Rick responded, hardly hiding the smile that pulled at the corners of his lips, "Maybe I overreacted.. .." He allowed Stan to coddle him just a little, before responding with a somewhat harsh "That was-s stupid, y-you're an ass."

"Let's go to bed, you old fool." Stan rolled his eyes, reaching for the last of Rick's drink and downing it with hardly a wince at the foul bitterness.  
"Hey, did you say the kids were here orr?" Rick suggestively raised an eyebrow.

"Kids ain't here an' you know that Rick, what're you getting at?"

Rick shrugged childishly and reached into his pocket, pulling out two wrapped white blunts. "I'm just saying, if kids ain't here to keep you from a little fun we could dig out Ol' Reliable if you know what I mean."

"The sex toy or the bong?" Stan asked, jabbing his pinky into his ear. "I'm so old I don't even understand s-similes.. or uh. Metaphors, or what have them fancy college kids."

Rick pushed Stan off of him, "Again. You're an ass, Stan. I have dank space weed in my trucker-ma-jig, and I'm going to go get it. You g-go get out that old seventies glass and I'll meet you in bed. How's that sound?" It was the best way to make up after a fight..

...

tbc? :P

translation (1) if he's nice maybe I'll buy him gold teeth

translation (d) daddy doesn't want to hear it, bitch. like I don't know how to speak spanish


End file.
